DISPATCH2
FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH QUEST
QUEST DATE MARCH 21 Y2K
RESEARCH LAB ANNEX
Searching for the Florida beet. Eat this, bozo. Put you in the funk. Research assistant Zweetwo says, "First time I've ever seen a palm tree in real life."
First time for everything, Zweetwo. Like arriving
at the research lab to find the most primitive conditions possible.
No computer. Everything done on four by five index cards stacked
in impossible piles leaning toward the center of the room. Every
one with a possible clue to the location of the Fountain of Youth,
every one with a Ponce de Leon link. What's a poor questor to
do?
Labhead1, the boss of the place, has the perfect answer. Eat drink and make merry for tomorrow we may diet. We will if we can't find a computer to send in our official reports.
Might end up in the local hoosegaw which is cleverly situated right next to the nuklear power plant, perfect for running the sterilization experiments on the perverts; the quick withdrawal on the junkies; the lobal removal gland on the geeks.
Oh oh, here come the keystoners, gotta hide for a
minute, be right back.
Go undercover. Dress like tourist. Scrunch down in car seat, look like headless driver. Lots of them around. Use the beacon to find library location. Assume friendly older fella mantle, gain access to computer. Ten minute limit. Lined up behind me like praying mantises; eager to buy sell on line.
How to find first clues of youth fountain? After sifting
through the data cards it becomes apparent one avenue of approach
is through the local widlife and plantlife. They carry the message.
Birds in flight, come to rest, give you the eye. Berries on bushes
twinkle red, inviting a taste. Fronds wave like signal flags
on a destroyer. Can I read the code?
The heron with the sharp beak that
pushes the button that opens the next portal. The heron also
picked the red berry that appears in this photo and deposited
it at the foot of the shadow, indicating someone was supposed
to eat the berry. We drew straws. I lost. Or won, depending on
how you look at it. Next thing I knew I was consulting a pelican.
"A
wonderful bird is the pelican;
His bill can hold more than his
belly can.
He can store in his beak
Enough food for a week
And I don't see how in the
hell he can!"
--Oh Gone Nash
First the beak spat the bait. The shrimp.
Then the bait cast upon the water caught the fish. The sheepshead.
The fish opened its mouth and spake: "Go to the water. Go on the water. Explore the water."
Go to the ocean. Seek the sand, the sun, the surf, the salt, the sunscreen. Yas, I get it now, first step is to contact the child within. Once in touch, let it loose, but carefully, carefully, the beach is full of folk, fishing, sunbathing, kite flying, an occasional furtive nip of the good stuff.
Ah this is the life of the scientific explorer in
the field. But the work does make one sleepy so perhaps a nap
and then . . . and then . . . once more into the field, for it
is of the utmost to finish the job . . . the job? Oh God, did
someone have to put the onus on us and mention the unmentionable?
Oh well, Walmart doesn't sell just American products any more.
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