The Border
2:15pm Saturday
Somewhere over the Rainbow Bridge
Before we attempt a border crossing,
Kesey directs George to turn right into an upscale neighborhood where we
stop and gather ourselves. The houses look like something right of Pebble
Beach where the Johnsons just moved with two Towncars in the driveway and
nicely appointed stone construction.
The Bus was in the middle of the Rainbow
Bridge within a hundred yards of Canada with a magnificent view of both
Falls and Babbs starts giving the Tour Guide Rap over the Bus sound system.
The traffic was bumper to bumper with Elvis in the background... Babbs riffs
"Yes sir ladies and gentlemen,
over on the left you have the American Falls and next to it the Canadian
Falls which you will notice are in the shape of a Horseshoe. Down below
ladies and gentlemen you see the cruising boat The Maid of the Mist inside
the Gorge approaching the Falls... you can purchase your tickets down below
from the Prankster in the white coat. 
"One of the Pranksters inquires if that is Dorothy, Dorothy from
Kansas down there on that boat? We reached the Canadian side at 2:19pm.
The female Canadian customs official held a short conference with Mother
Merry Furthur and decided the Bus and support truck needed to head em' up
and roll right on out back to the United States and check in with US Customs
officials one more time and then we can cross at the Lewiston Bridge a few
miles south. Kesey shouts out "WE'VE BEEN THROWN OUT OF BETTER PLACES
THAN THIS BEFORE" Just a little cosmic confusion folks. Here we are
back in the USA having been rejected by the Canadians. We're on to Plan
B for Better, Further... Somewhere... we crossed the river once into Canada
already and we are driving back again. 
Caleb
on the cell phone to his Grandmother says "they wouldn't let us across
because we had cameras and the Bozos".
We pulled into a park a few miles away from the border. George parked next to large mound of dirt and most of the male Pranksters decorated it with some of finest glitter and sparkle you have ever seen! That wasn't so unusual until we pulled away to discover we were right across the street from a Police station!!! Mother Merry Furthur had us drive to the US Customs office where she went in looking as stern as only a mother can convey She must have scared the hell out of those customs agents because she came out smiling saying we are now clear to cross the Lewiston Bridge, all we have to do is check in with Canadian Customs and we'rrrrrrrre iiiinn!!!
What happened was the Canadians at the Rainbow Bridge didn't
know what to do with us because we looked sooooo complex. Now that we essentially
are clear to check in to Canada... Babbs says "we have passed the
dress rehearsal, now we know what to do". The Border guard on the
Canadian side looked somewhat incredulously at the Bus and the accompanying
yellow Ryder as Mother Merry explained in glorious detail what the deal
is with all of the stuff on board. She explained to the guard that we had
cleaned the Bus before crossing which was a conspicous statement in its
own right, we had actually consumed everything on the Bus. Mother Merry
also told the customs guy that today was the first day she had quit smoking
cigarettes and he retorted that the first day was the hardest. 
Ah ha... the ice had been broken. Smiles were abundant and we were let through high and dry... even
Eli. Intrepid Jazzbo Babbs could have been busted all on his own with what
he was holding... he says if you think the cigar fad
is big, you should check out the Phish Phad. We imagined
that the world would be like the old Grateful Dead parking lot if it was
not for borders and customs. Phil returns from being inside the Canadian
customs broker's office and announces they have all of the amenities in
there. Babbs says... Ok, everyone inside and flush
all of that stuff you've been holding onto.
The customs brokerage and the customs agents have huge wherehouses to inspect the large trucks and the colorful looking buses. Waiting for Mother Merry Furthur to return from the customs broker's office, Babbs pours himself and Kesey a stiff one and slugs it down then announces how much it has cheered him up. Kesey points out that he wants to skip our visit to the Falls and just park somewhere and work on the Bus. "We'll send a couple of runners out for exacto knives and trim off all of the excess around the newly appliqued photos on the ceiling inside." Hagen says, "We can use some of that white glue we have in the box on the back deck". Kesey retorts "good idea, the white glue is #45 sunscreen, and somewhat permanent.
WE HAVE PASSED THE CANADIAN CUSTOMS!!! ALL OF THE HARD WORK WE DID ORGANIZING OUR INVENTORY YESTERDAY HAS PAID OFF. Mother Merry is a real happy camper. We are now driving into Ontario, Canada... Oh Canada, Oh Canada!!! More Grog!!!! More grapes!!!! ROLL UP YOUR SLEEVES!!! IT'S PARTY TIME AGAIN. Kesey explains to Zane and the rest of the Bus Krewe that he wants a Canadian and a US map spread out on a picnic table. From now on we've got a plot we're working with. It's the same as we did at Phish where WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE LOST BOZOS. The Tin Man comes in, he's looking for the lost Bozos. The Scarecrow joins in, a Bozo then appears then disappears... we're continually looking for the Bozos... they come and go... their hands are pointing, pointing, pointing.
All of the road signs in Canada are in kilometers... George
estimates that we are now cruising at about 90 kph as we cruise up over
a long curving bridge headed toward Toronto which is amazingly simliar to
Oz up here in Canada... We're now having the time of our lives as the road
escalates up over a bridge. Babbs remarks this is an enormous bridge, a
humongous bridge we are crossing... it is the bridge El Grande!!! The music
starts up... ceremonial toasts are offered.... F_U_R_T_H_U_R_!_!_! Higher
once again... All of a sudden Kesey shouts... NEED ASSURANCE TO THE RIGHT...
NEED ASSURANCE noticing George attempting to change lanes. Babbs shouts
HEY LOOK LAKE ONTARIO... THERE IT IS !!! AIN'T IT BEAUTIFUL. THE GREAT LAKES
ARE FANTASTIC. 
Man look at
that Lake, it's bluuuuuue! WOW look at that high tech greehouse on the starboard
side, Babbs says they're growing pot! They're growing hemp up here! Eli
is serving... his father instructs... MORE GROG FOR THE KREWE... MORE GROG
FOR THE BUS KREWE!!! A voice on the headphones says I smell something burning!
George says IT'S HOT UP HERE as he drives into the directly into the sun.
The Bus starts to cough and spit...
by golly... we have run out of gas for the first time on this Trip... no
problem... we have a five gallon can of gas. Kesey and George fill it up
as Eli runs into the bushes... we're down less than five minutes as we pull
back onto the freeway. The Ryder has surged ahead as Kesey says that's ok...
let em' go it's a lot safer to travel by our selves. The road signs are
blue type on yellow which are the colors of Ontario. Babbs says IS THAT
THE Up With People Bus again? Are they following us around or what? He pulls
out a shirt from behind himself on the front Bus bench and says...IS THIS
SOMEONE'S SHIRT? It is a nice green long sleeve shirt which turns out to
made of Hemp. Babbs says I'LL HAVE TO TREAT THIS WITH MORE RESPECT SINCE
I'LL BE WEARING IT SOON.
As the Bus approaches Toronto,
we encounter a huge electrical storm. We are about to learn the literal
rather than the figurative meaing of "if the the thunder don't get
you then the lightning will!!!" The skies darken tremendously, lightning
begins flashing all around us followed by the thunder, the rain comes down
in buckets. We are driving through the middle of a wild storm brewed up
all of a sudden from between Lakes Erie and Ontario. Holy Shit! said Dorothy!
So much for the beautiful vistas we experienced a few minutes ago. The celebration
comes to a halt as we batten down the hatches. The party subsides somewhat
as the storm gives us a big reality check!!! So far so what... we made it
into Canada with the slightest of distractions and we are happier than all
daylights to be here. WE'RE LOOSE IN CANADA CITIZENS.
Tune in to discover
what we find at the
Canadian National Exhibition
